


The night air

by U_Bahnstation



Category: Joyeux Noël | Merry Christmas (2005)
Genre: M/M, World War I
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-08
Updated: 2019-12-08
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:00:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21724150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/U_Bahnstation/pseuds/U_Bahnstation
Summary: Audebert and Horstmayer felt the same, but expressed it in very different ways.
Relationships: Audebert/Horstmayer
Comments: 3
Kudos: 10





	The night air

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Darth_Cannizard](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darth_Cannizard/gifts).



> Darth_Cannizard, that’s for you, dear)) I was filled with emotions after the trip and got new forces to express what we had discussed!

Audebert was afraid. Afraid like a young boy, who realized, that he liked a “wrong” girl. Audebert was in panic. How dare it could happen to him? How, oh God, how could he fall in love with a man?! Even more, with an enemy!

Stupid heart. Camille René sighed and looked at him again. He was handsome. Polite and gentle. He spoke french with a nice accent, which made Audebert smile. And his eyes... so deep, so beautiful.

It was awful. The Frenchman hated himself for such thoughts. He hated himself for these feelings. Audebert was afraid someone could find it out. HE could find it out! So Audebert decided not to show it, to close his feeling so deep as possible, not to say any wrong word. And not to say something wrong he decided to try avoid the German.

Horstmayer didn’t understand anything. At first he realized he felt in love. With a man. With a “wrong” man, with the French, with enemy! He was shocked. He asked himself again and again, if he really felt something (something, because didn’t want to give a name to this feeling) to the Frenchman. He asked time after time, and the answer always was “yes”. “Yes”, “ja”, “oui” - the language was not important. Horstmayer was in love.

After the moment he was sure with his feeling, he decided to handle. Some more warm words, some more touches... And if he’s lucky (Horstmayer really wanted to believe he was!) Camille René will give him the positive answer.

But Horstmayer didn’t understand. Something went wrong. Everything went wrong! He tried his best, but Audebert was cold with him. Colder, than at the moment they only met each other! He answered briefly or didn’t answer at all. He didn’t look in the German’s eyes. And when Horstmayer touched his shoulder, he felt, that the Frenchman jerked uncomfortably.

The German was disappointed. Did he say anything bad? Did he do anything bad? The French didn’t give the answer, but smiled sadly and went away. Did someone say something bad the Frenchman about him? No answer. Again.

Deep night. Silence. No movement. No voice. The Frenchman doesn’t sleep. He wants to cry about his feelings. He wants to tell everybody. He wants to say it loud, and the German must hear. He sighs. Nobody will know about his feelings. Nobody will find out his secret.

He gets out of the trenches. The night is cold. The air is full of darkness and tiny snowflakes. They touch his skin. They sting his throat. It’s difficult to breath. Audebert stands alone here. Only he and God. Anyway, God knows already. Audebert needs to speak at least with Him.

Deep night. Silence. Horstmayer knows, that he can’t fall asleep. Too much thoughts, too much feelings. Too much he wants to change or to forget. He hears the movement. Someone slowly goes through No Man's Land. Audebert. He stands alone, looking into the dark sky. 

Horstmayer gets out of his trenches. Silent and slowly. He doesn’t want to frighten the French. He just wants to get a little bit closer. One more attempt. It will be the last one...

Audebert prays. Words cut the air and hardly move away. Audebert feels, how tears fall down on the snow. He asks himself, if God hears him... Audebert whispers. Words reach Horstmayer and stab his ears like pieces of broken glass. 

\- Why do I feel it? Just tell me, what did I do wrong? What’s my fault, for which I pay so much? It’s so deep inside me, oh God! It fulls me more and more, and I know I sink. I sink in these feelings, I can’t look at him, I can’t talk... What is my sin? Why do I love him?...

Horstmayer stops to breath. Oh. He is in love. There is no place for him in the French’s heart. He slowly turns to go away.

\- ...God, tell me, why Horstmayer?!

He feels his heart stoped for a moment. Impossible. But Audebert said it. Horstmayer is absolutely sure he just heard the best declaration of love.

The Frenchman stands on his knees. Tears make small holes in the snow. Nobody will find out.

\- Only You know it. And only You are allowed to judge me...

Horstmayer comes closer and puts his hand on the Frenchman’s shoulder. Audebert jerks and closes his face.

\- Just say you didn’t hear it.

The German kneels down. He removes Audebert’s hands from his face and turns it to him.

\- You know, everything you’ve done these days was so childish, don’t you?

The Frenchman doesn’t look in his eyes and nods fast.

\- Let’s forget everything I said, okey?

Horstmayer smiles.

\- It’s totally impossible.

Audebert is afraid. Even more, he was all previous time. He ruined his life...

\- But why? - he answers without any hope.

\- Because it’s mutual. And I won’t lose this chance! - snickers the German again.

Audebert’s lips have a taste of a good wine. Horstmayer’s ones are like cold sparkling cinnamon. Deep night. Silence. No movement. No voice. The air is full of love.


End file.
